Thursday 22nd November - Self Doubt into Self Belief

An interesting thing happened to me today when I was doing my Yoga.

Many things had been on my mind overnight with trying to complete work on three projects, plus being up late writing a movie script and then having a close family member in hospital knocking on the final door set up some mental blocks.

So I knew my ability to "let go and relax" for this activity session was going to be a challenge. And for a self confessed A.D.D. but never diagnosed person, all of this baggage came into the Yoga room with me.

Why did I even go ?
I knew it would be good for me.
I try and apply my personal principle of LIFE 101 - which is that LIFE will always throw up an excuse for you to get out of your commitment to your workouts. It is human nature to look for an excuse BUT my personal pro-active philosophy is that if I am looking for a reason not to do the workout - then it is likely that I need it.

So not letting LIFE get in the way this morning I showed up and settled onto my mat with a focus of "just breathing". The instructor was really tuned into my "dial" this morning as she mentioned that in order to relax and concentrate on our breathing we have to "stop having the conversations in our head". Those voices of self doubt seem to be loudest when we are the quietest.

She also mentioned that what we try to resist - will often persist.

Isn't that so true in many situations in our lives. When we worry about something (beyond our control), the problem seems to grow like a snowball rolling down a hill. Yet when we just let that snowball go and don't try to stop it then it no longer concerns or worries us.

This was truly powerful to me as I felt like my "voices" were on full blast.
As I tuned out my inner voices and focussed JUST on breathing in and breathing out, this provided the ability instead to tune in to and listen to her words and I started to feel the muscles in my body respond.

My shoulders relaxed as the tension dropped away.
My breathing became the life for my body and the pressure valve for my mind.

Of course this meant my human eco-system was again starting to show signs of life - through positive joy for the efforts of my mind being able to STOP thinking - and be clear.

I tried to imagine my mind was a glass of water.
Fresh; clear; cool; and this "picture" I decided was going to be my home-base that I would use when I was noticing my thoughts start to drift.

It was empowering to regain the space inside myself.
By that I mean we often fill ourselves up with unimportant issues as we try to cram in even more though we are already overflowing with totally meaningless things.

As this was happening another amazing situation developed.

My body started to relax and move into poses that had been in recent sessions difficult for me to get into. For example there is a series of balance poses in my Yoga that I try to concentrate to achieve stillness in.

I use this example in my book under the heading "the impatient perfectionist" - he who wants to good at everything he tries which is really just another voice in my head (the ego) wanting me to try harder.

This point is about 45 minutes into the workout and it was at this moment in the class that I noticed that I was starting to "try again". I wasn't getting any of the poses how I would have liked and could start to feel the frustration building as my breathing became forced.

Then I recalled another instructor in a previous session mention that if you are feeling frustrated then just remember this "all you are doing is standing on one leg, so is it really that important that you get this pose today ?"

No it wasn't.
In fact I was giving myself grief over this.
I slowed down my breathing and thought of that glass of water. Still, clear and serene. In no time at all my breathing slowed and my body became still.

As I was leaving the instructor mentioned how in control I seemed during the workout and I had to smile and share with her all my frustrations and we both laughed at how all this was happening on the inside and outwardly I looked at peace.

My lesson today wasn't to learn how to be a great Yoga student.
My lesson today was to learn how to be a better ME.