Monday 6th November - How things happen

I have always been a fan of finding time out for yourself as I believe that this helps you to remember the importance of downtime and reward for hard work.

My personal favourite is to go and do Yoga.
Now I use this less as a physical workout and more as a mental de-stress. I am relatively new to Yoga, having only been doing it for this year with my preference being POWERYOGA. From what I have learnt it is a more physically challenging activity than other forms of traditional Yoga and also not having loud music while I workout has often led me to places that I have not been.

I find that at the end of a session I feel recharged, and often inspired to question my long held beliefs of traditional workouts and the benefit for others. I see that as a good thing.

Yesterday I was taking a "coffee break" from writing the story for my next animated movie project when a friend asked me to look after her two boys (ages 2 and 5) as she had some errands to run.

Sure I said. I was looking forward to it and began a journey I am sure that many parents run into. Now I am not a parent (yet god willing), but there are many traps that an unsuspecting adult will walk into as I will describe.

I picked up the boys and got the usual set of necessary instructions.
There was a loose plan to go to a park and play games and use the equipment which as a personal trainer suited me right down to the ground. This was going to be easy I thought as we headed off.

First challenge was finding them a song on the radio that didnt have "adult overtones" because as we were driving along a song was playing (I hadn't even thought they were listening) came a question "Uncle Tony what does that mean?" asked the five year old. His question was about adult behaviours and as I wasn't the parent (or having any kids of my own) I did what any smart uncle or auntie would do I replied "it doesn't mean anything ...... who wants a drink ?". There was unanimous chorus of "me, me, me, me!!!!"

Pulling over we went into the store. First though we had to "unload" them both as I wasn't for a minute going to let them out of my sight. This exercise took a few minutes while we first laid down the "rules of engagement" (I'm also ex-military) for entry into the store, defining our target and strategy for purchase.

Feeling pretty confident so far (little did I know) we headed into the store. Upon entry all semblance of calm was eliminated as "chaos" broke out. Now these two boys are gorgeous and well mannered so I was stunned when little hands were grabbing anything they could reach. As I replaced one grabbed item I turned around to see that the elder boy was not in my line of vision. Panic broke out as I picked up the little one and with a voice that has commanded over a hundred people on a parade ground boomed loudly and clearly "Where are you ?". This "voice" sent fear and horror in the hearts of all the elderly people in the store. (Not my intent).

At the end of the aisle and from around the corner appears the little face. "Here I am Uncle Tony" he replied with a smile that could melt ice.

As my heart beat slowed down from panic to fear to anger to peace to joy I raced to his side and asked "why did you run off like that?". He looked at me like I was from Mars as he held up his newly acquired drink saying "I was getting my drink Uncle Tony". From the mouths of babes.

I nodded in defeat as my heart rate started to return to below 100 as the younger one now resembling a greased up pig struggled to get to the floor with cries of "down, down, down" and as I put him down he was off like that the before mentioned pig. Thinking that I had learnt my lesson I was off in hot pursuit with the five year old secured to me getting a piggy back ride.

Lesson for the uninitiated and Tip One - do not wear white when playing with children !!!

As I ran I noticed not only the sweat starting to build up on my forehead but the cool sensation of apple juice dripping down my back which leads us to Tip Two - they put stoppers on juice bottles for a reason. However not all children are savvy with this fact so before taking off in pursuit of child two, I should have secured the stopper.

The little one's legs were not able to get him far and my eyes had never left him the whole time I stopped, secured the stopper, reloaded the five year old and pursued. Now I know that there will be smiles from those that are parents because you not only know what I am talking about but you also realize that we have only just begun this trip and not even reached the park yet.

Finally we left the store after a "little heated discussion" over the benefits of water vs juice vs flavoured milk vs soft drink (soda). I can't help it I care about their little bodies and what goes into it. There was a small negotation that would have made the United Nations proud as we agreed on an Apple Juice for the elder one and a flavoured milk for the young one (because it had Spiderman on it - thanks you Marketing morons whom I bet don't have children or look after them !!!).

I settled on a large bottle of water for myself as I had a plan forming.

We reloaded the car and I'm sure that there have been trips to outer space that didn't involve so many safety checks. Seatbelts on and secured - check. Child safety locks on the backdoors - check. Drinks within reach - check. Radio off - check. Seatbelts on and secured - rechecked. Hey what can I say I was a little paranoid. These were someone else's children entrusted to my care.

Driving well within the speed limits we arrived at the designated park. From the back I hear "this is not the park that Mom takes us to". As I looked in the rear view mirror at the boys I noticed that my eyeballs looked like those of a cartoon character. (please stop laughing this was not in my carefully scripted plan)

Quickly I regained control of the situation and applied an often well used stratgic military metaphor of Improvise, Adapt, Overcome and replied "I know but this is a special park that I found for us". "Oh" he smiled back at me.

Parking the car we then went through the routine of disembarking. Everthing was unloaded including the bikes to ride. Now any Mother will tell you that you unload in stages but no I hadn't attended that strategy brief and so looked like a "loaded up pack sherpa from the Himalayas" with two children in tow. At the park there were a group of Mothers sitting talking while their children played on the equipment or hung in groups. They all watched my approach with knowing yet supportive smiles.

As I selected an appropriate location for "base camp" there was the sound of running footsteps closely followed by a second set moving away from our designated location. I turned to see them both heading for the equipment and keeping one eye peeled on their location set about to act out my earlier conceived plan. The milk was long since gone, either drunk or part of my floor covering in my "newly child marked car". The juice container was half full so I topped it up with water and shook it. Hydration Plan - tick.

Dropping the remainder of my load to the ground I set off after them. For about 30 minutes of continuous play we climbed, ran, jumped, rode, swung, chased, rode again, then finally they got thirsty. As we headed back to our "spot" we were all very sweaty so I was feeling very righteous about my earlier hydration plan.

Then World War 7.5 broke out. The little one got back first and grabbed the juice bottle and started drinking. The scream of anger went up to a decibel that could cause blood to leave my ears "that's my drink" he oldest child screamed at this brother.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I thought to myself "you idiot !!!!".
The sharing rule is mixed up with siblings and I should remember because I was one of six children.

This "distrubance" hadn't been in the little script of events I had planned so I quickly grabbed the juice bottle and froze as two little sets of eyes looked up at me and started to fill with tears. Now where was my brilliant military mind - come on I thought they are waiting.

I scanned the park looking for some possible scenario that could prevail. Time stood still as I turned back and forth to each child knowing that there was no winner here and I had failed.

Just when all seemed lost and I wished that the earth would swallow me up so that I didn't have to break someones heart, to my rescue came what appeared a saving angel. It was of course one of the other Mothers who had witnessed my disaster and appearing with two cups said "just pour some of the juice into each cup" which I did. She then handed them to the boys who took their cups and drank like they would never see liquid again.

She smiled at me and said "first time huh?"
Of course there was no point in even trying to deny it as I nodded in resolution.
She patted me on the back and said "you have had them laughing and playing for the whole time - all the Mothers are thinking of hiring you out" she winked and walked off. And like that the issue of sharing drinks was solved. I slumped to the ground and watched them drink as the water bottle made it's way to my mouth.

We finished our drinks and again played until the yawns started.
The boys even got tired too hahaha. Reloading was much easier and heading back to their home I felt that sense of joy that "playing brings you". Sometimes as aduls we forget that playing is what brought us the most joy as children and as adult we try to limit that in our lives because that is what children do.

Forget that - let's beat this OBESITY CRISIS old school style so go outside and run around, spin till you fall over, jump rope, try hopscotch, jump in puddles (wear old shoes and pants). It is time that we went back to our childhood because all the answers are there!

Having had support from the "group of mothers" was a huge benefit and made me realize that sometimes life is more about living and being involved in that process then it has ever been about the way we look.

Listen to anyone who is a new parent and their eyes seem to be "glazed over by the wonder of life and all that it holds" and yesterday I had a taste of this and it was amazing. I haven't giggled and laughed so much in a long time but I bet you I will be doing it a lot more now.

I am sure that there were two little people (plus one big person) who went to bed early last night and slept like they had just taken part in the New York City marathon - and didnt move until the light came up this morning !!

To all the mothers and fathers out there - I both envy and admire you.
It was a totally tiring and exhausting day both physically and emotionally for me but one that I would do again in a heart beat. I will be posting my child minding fees in the coming weeks hahahahahaha.