Thursday 28th February - Men - do we really think that we understand women ?

Now if there was ever a Blog to get me some emails this will be the one (smiling).

I happened to be with a few friends during the week having a coffee (yes we all know that I have my vices), and one of the girls was lamenting over her last "near" relationship. That is the one of those that near-ly gets there but just falls short. The guy being spoken about had from the "male perspective" done nothing majorly wrong but the "female friends perspective" had him shot, killed and burned at the stake.

This support of the "girlfriend network", then prompted a few others to talk of their "relationship" experiences (although some of them barely qualified for any type of relationship that I had heard of), and how the their actions were justified.

This went on for a while, and like all males present, I never said anything but occassionally gave the other males a look that said "who hasn't been in that situation before and had no idea they were skating on thin ice". One guy present even seemed to be getting uncomfortable with the girl sitting beside him describing a scenario but he kept his head down and said nothing. Possibly wise.

After another story I interrupted.
All eyes fell on me. The males at the table panicked. The girls all turned their bodies to listen to the "interrupting male's point of view".

I smiled "at the enemy" (**winks) and thought it fair and time to step into the ring and take a few punches for MAN-kind. I decided to try to explain how it really wasn't the fault of most men but I can't save you all and some of you don't deserve saving. With subdued silence falling over our table I ventured into the dark void that is a female coffee chat.

I sought an analogy that would allow both parties (males and females) to not feel threatened and get me shot. I used the Dragonslayer and Damsel story.

Here is what transpired :
Men are "wired" differently and try to do things with good intention (often) but often fail (unintentionally) through their actions and the subsequent consequences or result.

The girls asked me to give them an example. The guys who were in relationships with girls present were still looking at me with total fear on their faces. I smiled and tried to allay their fears. I am after all a DragonSlayer Master (haha).

I began by reminding them that most boys upbringing include superhero stories and that most men still think of themselves as having to ride up on a white horse (or fly) to save the damsel in distress. It's our HERO COMPLEX.

We believe through a conversation with a girl (and normally seeing tears) that there is a problem that needs fixing. So we then valiantly ride off into the steamy depths of a place called "Trouble Town" to vanquish the issues or problems by solving this (or as we think of it - killing the evil Dragon). With our quest complete and the problem solved we then come back to you to get our reward(s).

We work well with praise from female affection or even a simple WELL DONE (and being handed OUR favorite drink and the TV remote)

Play by play of this in action :

You have said - This is upsetting me (maybe be tears present)
We hear - I need help YOU and so we vow to fix the problem

YOU actually may have just wanted someone to "vent with" or even just listen to what is troubling you. But WE males are "hardwired" to think that we can solve EVERY issue, as there surely is a logical and non-emotional answer to deal with this.

Then we report back that the "Problem is solved" = Issue fixed

We say - Never fear again - I have killed the dragon
You hear - Your PROBLEM is solved and I am YOUR saviour

You say - What have you done and why
We hear - YOU are an insensitive idiot. Why don't you keep your nose out of my business. If I wanted help I would have asked for it !!!

We say - NOW hang on a minute - I have fixed YOUR problem - be thankful
You hear - YOU needed fixing and I have done it so - be thankful and thank your saviour ...

Subsequent Action and Result = yelling (with tears), doors slamming, phone calls to friends for coffee !

I look around the table and all the girls were smiling and one girl was outright wetting her pants with laughter. The guys were sitting there in rapt silence NOT knowing if they were in massive amounts of trouble or if their lives were going to be less complicated.

One of the girls then asked me "OK, so why do you think YOU need to fix US ?"

I explained "we don't want to fix YOU, we just want to be USEFUL". We don't know any other way to be helpful (our definition), and YOU being unhappy is unacceptable so we will try anything to fix this (even if it is eventually the wrong option).

By now ALL the girls were laughing (and agreeing with the Dragonslayer analogy) and agreeing "that men really aren't that smart and need clear guidance". The boys were starting to relax and even smiling.

I further explained "Yes, that is exactly how men work best. Give them exact instructions and we do well. Why do you think men love sports. Their are CLEAR rules and guidelines. It's a no-brainer. We get IT."

The guys present were now starting to get their confidence and being in familiar territory (sports) even voiced their approval and supported that rules work for them. Their partners were very attentive to this. I would love to see the "Rules Lists" that will be emerging out of that coffee chat.

I had text messages from many people present who have told me that I should blog this story as it is helping their relationships no end or even just to supply everyone a laugh.

So there it is - my work HERE is done
(Gets on his white horse and rides off into the sunset - Hi Ho Silver AWAYYYYYY)